Make Peace with the Ego & Learn to Love Your Humanity

Alright, I think it’s time to call a truce. Let’s just stop fighting already!

This endless war we’ve been waging against our ego seems to be never-ending, and we’re not going to win any time soon. What if we just reduced the conflict in our lives and the world by making peace with the ego WHILE still seeking the truth of self-realization? What if falling in love with our ego and with our very humanity could be the key to that lasting peace and oneness we’ve all been looking for?

In all my years of spiritual practice and my work with clients, I’ve never met a human ego that did not deserve compassion and that did not play a vital, irreplaceable role in this universe.

But I have met many who are suffering.

If you’d like to know true peace and relief from the suffering of this world, know that neither identifying with nor rejecting your ego will help you.

In this post, I’ll walk you through the 4 main aspects of the ego and how you can work with it to finally achieve that lasting peace, healing and transformation from a place of love — not war.

EGOIC DENSITY

In spiritual circles, the ego’s taken the blame for pretty much all of human suffering for eons, and it’s not hard to understand why: Our soul’s pure light that comes directly from Source is filtered through our egoic structure to create ourselves and our realities, and so the denser and darker our egoic structure is, the more suffering we experience in our lives.

But, hold on a sec: What exactly is the ego and why is it so bad?

The human ego is just the sense of being an individual self. It’s Latin for “I”. In practical terms, it helps you survive and protect both your body and your idea of yourself. At its simplest, ego is form, while Source is formless. And so we are existing as both form and formlessness simultaneously.

If you’re still wondering, it’s completely fine to have an ego. That’s what helps us stay alive AND thrive. If you didn’t have your ego, you couldn’t safely cross the street.

Maybe take a moment to thank your ego for its helpful service!

If you’ve heard of those supremely enlightened masters who fall into a state of pure oneness and then need an assistant to feed and bathe their bodies and keep the bugs off, then while we admire their attainment of absolute peace and equanimity, we can also appreciate the job of the ego.

The ego itself is not the problem. We can have an ego and live our individual lives in peace and in flow with the workings of the universe.

When we start to suffer is when our ego takes on unprocessed trauma.

That’s the difference — that’s when life starts to get hard.

Our ego takes on the density of trauma, AKA unprocessed emotions, which at its most basic is just consciousness under pressure, and that density starts to obscure our pure soul’s light.

And so, for example, what started out as an ability to truly love others by allowing them to be free to change as they need to because we truly want what’s best for them has — through life on Earth and the unprocessed trauma that results — turned into ATTACHMENT (the first aspect of egoic density). With attachment, we start to cling to people and can’t let them be free to change because that threatens our sense of self or our sense of safety.

We can even get attached to objects in the same way, so that if some object or person changes or disappears from our lives, we suffer. And then we also get attached to outcomes, so that if some outcome we were hoping for doesn’t pan out, we suffer.

That leads to the second aspect of egoic density, which is EXPECTATIONS.

That outcome we were expecting may not come to pass, and so we suffer. We are disappointed when someone or something, including ourselves, does not meet our expectations. Instead of simply being present and witnessing what occurs and accepting things as they are, accumulated trauma leads us to form expectations that may not pan out, and then we suffer.

Then when something doesn’t happen the way we’d like it to, we form JUDGMENTS about it. We want to blame or shame ourselves or others, judging things as good or bad, instead of taking things as they are and merely discerning what is right for us or what we prefer.

(It’s not wrong to have preferences in life, those are your sacred boundaries and that’s how you enjoy being your separate self!)

But, trauma turns discernment into judgment, which is when we suffer because we judge something as inherently bad, and that’s the third aspect of egoic density.

And so you can see how when it’s carrying unresolved trauma, the ego can quickly go from living in a flow state to resisting life, which is the fourth aspect of egoic density: RESISTANCE.

We expend so much energy resisting life that our physical and mental health starts to suffer. All these chronic symptoms we’re dealing with are signs of resistance stored as unresolved trauma in the body. And of course that turns on those mental thought loops, which can then spiral out of control and generate more painful emotions, and all of a sudden we’re stuck in the cycle of suffering.

Remember, we are not blaming ourselves for suffering. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just what happens in this playground of duality.

But, being human does not require you to suffer. There is another way.

DECOMPRESSION

What do we do with the density of our traumatized ego?

We integrate it.

We welcome it finally, after all this time of fighting it, rejecting it and ignoring it. We heal it in the truest sense of the word, by becoming whole and one with it — by gently allowing it to dissolve and decompress in the light of our compassionate awareness, by loving it: by loving even that part of ourselves.

How?

First, we observe.

We build on our meditation practice by cultivating a sense of presence as the witness-observer, so that we can identify and recognize when trauma or density is showing itself in our ego. We dis-identify with the egoic density, without rejecting it. We dis-identify by observing our thoughts, words and actions, and that’s easier when we’ve established a meditation practice.

And then when we notice that we have fallen into attachment, expectation, judgment or resistance, we recognize it simply as the next thing that needs our attention.

It’s just a messenger.

Now, we also don’t identify with “being broken or traumatized” or “needing healing”. Your awareness, your true self, is perfect and unscathed. And it’s also perfect to have a rainbow of different frequencies and densities that make up your unique being.

But, if you decide that your preference is to experience peace and live in a flow state with less suffering — and that is up to you — then you just allow whatever density is arising in each moment to be what you welcome, integrate and heal: You welcome the wisdom and the learning, and accept that hurting part of yourself back into your loving awareness.

You probably won’t have to go looking very far for your trauma; it will show itself in your day to day life and you just take what comes, notice what arises and form a daily habit of healing and dissolving the trauma that’s putting pressure on your ego, with the tools I have given you elsewhere.

(P.S.: My episode on emotional integration and trauma healing is HERE.)

So, the result is that you’ll decompress that density, not out of rejection but out of a curiosity to learn more, by exploring it to discover that it’s simply made of pure Source consciousness, and little by little you’ll notice changes in your life.

What was once attachment has become unconditional love.

What was once expectation has become pure presence.

What was once judgment has become clear discernment.

What was once resistance has become trust and surrender to the flow of life.

You’ll notice you have the capacity to let life live itself fully and freely, witnessing it with love, participating in it with joy, creating, and evolving as things change. You’ll notice you start to love all the parts of yourself in your full spectrum of frequencies.

You have not erased your ego, you have purified it to reveal your true essence, your unique soul’s light. You have polished that diamond to shine your unique stream of Source consciousness more clearly and brightly into your body and the world around you. Less density and form is in the way of your light because you are just a little more formless.

Please: Fall in love again with being human.

No other beings from any other planet or dimension — and definitely no other technology — can improve on your precious, organic, wild humanity.

Celebrate the gift of your embodiment.

That is what you do when you rewild your soul.

And that is why I am here, cheering you on.

Namaste, my dear friend.

If you’re inspired and would like more insights, live group events and a supportive community, join my Rewilding the Soul community for free HERE.

And if you’d like more support, you can book a session HERE.